RPB

r/darkjokes

Why don't necrophiliacs know their love language?

It's a dead tongue.

My American friends always boast about freedom and democracy

They didn't like it when I told them they have one more political party than North Korea

What do the White House and my dick have in common?

They were both ruined by musk.

A guy walks up to a New York newsstand and buys a paper. He unrolls it and throws it in the garbage. The owner asks him if there was a problem with the paper. He says; "No, I was just looking for an obituary." "But you only looked at the front page. They dont print obituaries there."

The one I'm looking for, they will.

What is the advantage of having sex with a dead body?

They last a few days, not minutes.

Why did Eric Clapton like Fall Out Boy?

They reminded him of his son.

Why was the snowman smiling?

He heard the snowblower was coming

How is a tombstone like an exclusive guest list?

If your name’s on it, you’re in forever.

Elon Musk is not a Nazi

Nazis made really good cars

Cemetery Swingers

I went to a cemetery-themed sex club last night. The host grinned and said, “At our place you never worry about premature endings—you’re already dying to come all night long.”

What’s the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbanzo bean?

I’ve never paid for a Garbanzo bean on my face.

Dark humor is like religious texts.

There's never any new material.

Why don’t you have sex at Olive Garden?

Cause when you’re there, you’re family.

A big story

Once there was boy who had no dick, the boys tries all type of methods to get a dick but unfortunately nothing worked. One day the boy randomly sees a poster saying “go to the dick guru and you’ll get big dick” The boy gets excited and gets ready to meet the guru. But the guru was staying on top the Himalayas And to get to the top of Himalayas there was long rope. The boy then holds the rope and finally reaches the top of Himalayas and meet the guru

The boy the asks the guru “ guru ji, i want get a dick” Guru then replies “son go and take a bath in this pond and u will have a long dick”

The boy then goes to the pond and takes a bath. After taking a bath the boy suddenly gets a dick and then he begins to wonder “in just one bath a got such a long dick, how long will the guru ji dick will be” The boy then goes and asks the guru “ in just one bath i got such a long dick, how long is ur dick The guru ji replies “ the rope u which held while you’re climbing up that’s my dick”

I know who started the LA wildfires.

It was vault tech… now they don’t have to pay to make the set of fallout season 2

Credit to my friend Alex who told me this joke but he was worried he would get backlash. If you find it funny tell Alex good one 💀👍

I'm bisexual.

That means I'm half gay on my Little League coach's side.

Who’s the one celebrity you never want to meet?

Chris Hansen

What's the difference between a Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both get what they want by force.

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo on my face

I insisted to my doctor that I'm doing dry January...

Probably wasn't such a good idea before my colonoscopy

How many calories do u consume licking a girl?

It depends on which way she wipes.

Why do monsters masturbate in the wilderness

Because people never see it coming.

What the necrophile says when he walks in the Institute of Legal Medicine?

"Hey, can I have a cold one, please?"

Luigi Mangione didn't kill himself

oh... i'm a little too early