r/rape

So yesterday I went out with a guy it was fun untill we went to his car and he asked me to come at the back I told him I will but plz don’t touch me I’m not in the mood today he said he won’t and when I went at the back he started to force his self on me i kept telling him stop but he kept ignoring it And he starts forcefully rubbing his penis on me but I had my clothes on but kept doing it on my clothes and he threatened me and said if I don’t hold his penis his gonna take me pants of and put it in I’m a virgin and I suffer from vaginismus I told him plz don’t do this but he put his hand down my pants and said I’m gonna do it so I had to and he forcefully kept rubbing on me and forcefully kissing me I kept telling him no and I kept saying ur hurting me but he ignored it and it went on for a good 30 to 40 mins He toke all his clothes off and just kept going on my legs started to hurt i couldn’t do anything but then he stop and his whole mood changed and his like u wanted it I said no I didn’t and he said why is ur pants so wet then He dropped me home and I saw my pants we’re actually really wet it dosent make sense did it like it ? idk how to feel about this i just wanted to let hit out I feel like crying but at the same time idk who tell I feel numb idk if im sad or happy idk how to feel why was my pants so wet if I didn’t like it and if I liked it why do I feel Like crying I don’t even want to think about it but the same time how was I so wet ?????

This was a long time ago so all the stuff I’m saying might not be fully accurate

When I was like 4 or 5 I lived at my moms boyfriends house which was basically a daycare. Anyways I was sleeping and I got woken up by this kid named Zackery I’ll call him Zack for short,he woke me up and asked me to go to the other room. Being clueless I went. Next thing I know we were having sex,next to someone at the daycare who was asleep,we did a lot of stuff and I remember watching one of those puppet videos,after a while the daycare lady came,so did my sister,turns out they went grocery shopping but they hadn’t noticed what we did so we quickly got back into our clothes and I don’t know where he is today. But he’s still in school so Zack if your reading this fuck you.

But I don’t know if I was…raped

I was groomed and raped as a child. Sometimes I fantasise about about it happening again, I seriously can't help it. I don't want to think about these things. I feel disgusting about it. I suppose I'm just trying to justify my thoughts because I don't want to admit this is who I am but rather what he made me to be.

I got raped several times as an infant (and then later as an adolescent/ adult) but I was wondering if anyone else here has Sexual Parasomnia?

Basically I try to have sex while I’m fully unconscious/ sleeping, the only reason I’m aware of it is from past partners telling me about it or sometimes my words are so loud they wake me up.

My sleep specialist diagnosed me with the condition and said it was uncommon but harmless and I’ve always wondered what caused it/ curious if anyone else has it?

since I was assulted ive struggled with hypersexuality and porn addiction, especially cnc.
makes me feel gross and like what happened isent really valid if that makes sense.

this is the 2nd time i’ve been raped. i thought if it happened again id know how to deal with it better. i dont at all. i did acid, went to see some live music and think i was spiked too cause acid never does that to me, im quite experienced with it. i couldn’t see or hear because i was so high and some guy took me to his place and forced himself upon me. it happened for hours nonstop, he was on cocaine. i pretended to sleep until 6am and he didn’t stop. he woke up thismorning at 8 and raped me in and out of sleep 3 more times while i begged him to stop. i just got home a couple hours ago and cant shower because i don’t wanna look at myself down there anymore. i feel so disgusting. how do you deal with the humiliation? how do you deal with the feeling that people know what happened to you last night? is there ways i can get std tests for free in scotland?

Last night I was SA’d by multiple men and I want to d!e.

I keep replaying it in my head. I’m still bleeding in places and I feel horrendous. I’ve been through things before but never like this. This doesn’t even feel real.

I’m afraid to tell anyone or go anywhere idk what to do I feel so helpless.

I guess I’m just screaming into the void rn bc it doesn’t matter to anyone but me.

I grew up being SAd for as long as I can remember and I still have never felt this way.

Why are people so awful?

diseased with impurity and plagued by sin a simple spoken word or a pastor with rough hands

go on, confess

fess up to the box

dirty, dirty girl

do you crave the pastor inside?

plagued, diseased girl you are sick, you are sinful you poor baby girl do you like the way he touches you?

so plead to me, sing to me cry to me, bleed for me and don't make a sound while i use these pins to pick the lock of your chastity belt and set you free

isabella

the guy who sexually assaulted me was an adult (20-21M) and I was at least 15-16 years old (F). At that moment I didn’t think much. I think I was more in shocked and confused at what happened.

It happened at a park. I met up with this dude I had been talking to for few months. he slid his fingers down my shorts while we were sitting down. Obviously I felt uncomfortable and I moved his hands away. He put the fingers he shoved up me and put it in my mouth. I then kinda lost my balance and ended up laying down on the grass accidentally. He then tried to touch up on me down there and I quickly came back up and moved away from him. Everything happened so fast like 10 mins. He told me to kiss him and I didn’t want to. After he left I went with my day and had never told anyone this…..

❤️

after my sexual assault i became very scared of intimacy and haven’t had sex since it happened.

i am beginning to see someone but it is very new and eventually i will want to be intimate with this person but i am unsure whether to talk to him about my assault and how exactly to bring it up to him if i do.

he recently asked to touch me and i freaked out and cried but i couldn’t explain it to him because i felt it was unfair for him to have to hear about my assault. i think he kinda could tell something had happened to me i just wouldn’t tell him exactly what.

any advice on how to talk to him about it and how to deal with my rape trauma in a new relationship would be much appreciated.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I have only just made this realization not too long ago since I enjoyed all the sexual activities we did (kissing, breast fondling, etc) it didn't really affect me until years later I was thinking how I hadn't had my first kiss yet and then I remembered how whenever me and sister were home alone she basically raped me when I was a small child. I believe she might be a major reason why I have a porn addiction now that I'm currently struggling with. The thing is I don't wanna report it to authorites since she's is a very sweet and kind person with a thriving life today. Plus I don't really have the evidence needed to actually punish her. I never even told this story to anyone irl. Mainly due to the fact that I haven't formed a strong enough bond with somebody to the point where I feel comfortable enough telling them this story. This doesn't really effect me mentally to be completely honest but I still feel like I should tell this story to the people who will hopefully become my closest friends later in life.

This is a rather special post—it has taken a lot of courage and buildup to write it, but I feel like sharing this part of my story with you. I hope you will receive it with kindness! 🙏🏼

I completely understand if this confuses you, considering what I usually post. 🤔 I also know that this will raise questions for some, and you are always welcome to reach out, ask questions, and comment. 🙏🏼💖

What started as a one-time occurrence eventually became a regular thing over the course of a year.

I grew up in both orphanages and foster families. This episode happened at the orphanage when I was 7 years old and continued until I was 8.

A new caregiver had started working at the orphanage—he was my assigned contact person and the staff member I was closest to. He was responsible for me whenever he was there.

He was really kind, and I liked him a lot.

After he had been there for about six months, he started becoming more affectionate with me—his hugs lasted longer, and sometimes, he would also touch my butt, and grap and grope it. At my age at the time, I didn’t think much about it, and it didn’t hurt.

But everything changed one evening after I had taken a bath, and he was supposed to dry me with the towel. I had just gotten out of the bath when he wrapped me in a towel, lifted me into his arms, and carried me into my room, where he set me down and began to dry me off with the towel. And this evening he was really gentle and sweet to me.

After he dried me with the towel, he was supposed to put lotion on me. And it was here everything changed. First of all: Normally I would have my underwear on for this. He did not put that on me so I was completely naked. Second of all: he was really touchy and he did grope my hole body, and he used a lot of lotion and babyoil on me. I was to small to know anything and he showed me affection and kindness, so I did not do anything, not even when he opened his pants and pulled out his dick, and started grinding it against my oiled up body. He then locked my room door and he laid me down on the floor on my stomach. And yes he did do it to me.

This was the beginning of a year long “relationship” whit him, where we was together every time he was at work until that he resigned and stopped.

This has left me with many hours with a therapist, but also with a huge amount of confusion and conflicting emotions and feelings. And they are not only bad, and to be honest, in the course of that year I did begin to enjoy what we had together, and sometimes I miss him and that time. 💖😓 But keep in mind there really was no affection, so when someone show you that you take it.

The story is true, and so am open about it. You are welcome to write to me with anything, no limits at all. ❤️💋

I'm no longer going to do statements at the police station since 2 of my cases are he said she said. I don't believe that I will be believed one case however I have screenshots of. I just don't want to go through the stress of why did it take you so long also to report it because they asked me the other day also why I took so long etc. I came out years later about a sexaul assault that happened to me 3 times and a rape that happened to me with one of my exs and another from another ex which I was coercive controlled to have sex I'm not to sure if the last one is rape or sexual assault but I felt pressured and eventually we had sex even though I said I wanted to wait 6 weeks since I pretty much gave birth 2 weeks afterwards I was coercive controlled into having sex. Like fk men.

I don't have evidence with 2 cases and it would just be awaste of my time and even more time for the police. So theirs my story. I'm done. No justice for me.

Had sex with me while I was too tired to fight him off lol, he didn’t see anything wrong with what he did, hell I never even processed it right away. Took me a few months to completely just get the guts to break it off with him. This was over a year ago. I think in December 2023. He wanted to stay friends, I didn’t contact him, my feelings for him didn’t quite fade immediately so for a while I didn’t mind him and did stupid shit if he came over, eventually I did what was best for me and stopped interacting with him, he stopped asking me to come over and just came over without warning, typical him behavior he was like that when we were together too lol, if I told him no too many times he just did it anyway. Eventually I once again had to grow a pair and tell him I didn’t want his company and I didn’t want him to come over anymore and he just wouldn’t listen at first and then just said he’d come by once a month to keep in touch with my family… fuck him but it’s better than him not listening at all. Despite him calling me a bitch every fucking time he comes to my house because I refuse to be friendly or touchy or entertain him, he stuck to it for the most part but recently he’s been coming over so much more it’s actually pissing me the fuck off. Sorry for the excessive use of profanity I’m so pissed off and exhausted I could kms. Why did I wake up three times this week to this fucking man in my room heaven knows I could kms rn. I’m actually so upset my eyes hurt and I can’t do this anymore I’m so tired of it. And nobody else seems to give as much of a shit because if they did they wouldn’t keep letting him in the fucking house??? And then saying it’s my ex so I should tell him to stop??? Like I didn’t fucking do that already and he keeps coming over here to keep in touch with the others in the house, not me like??? I’m not the one entertaining him you are…..

Last week I had a good EMDR session and finally felt like I was back on track with healing. Friday I went out to dinner with my parents and my partner and they were talking about their careers as graphic designers/printers during the evolution of technology, which was honestly a really interesting conversation, but

HOWEVER my mom asked if I remembered the dark room in the basement of her old job where they developed photos. I felt like a deer in the headlights. Her coworker abused me extensively for years in the basement of that building, and in that dark room, which was really the perfect place for him because nobody would open the room unless they knew there were no photos being developed. My parents don’t know about the abuse, or if they do we have never talked about it.

This man really fucked up my life. He groomed me for years, took csam of me and developed it in that room. He forced me to watch porn with him and touched me. He “taught” me to masturbate and told me I could do it at home too. He would make me play doctor and would put different office supplies inside of me. He made me bleed and I’d hide my underwear in a plastic bag in my closet. He tried to penetrate me with his penis twice. I can’t get pelvic exams now as an adult and have a terrible relationship with intimacy.

“Do you remember the dark room at my old job?”. I sure do.

when i was dating my ex she used to be really sexual without asking or bringing it up, I just kinda went along with it because i didnt want her to be sad or upset so i never really said no aside from nodding no whenever she was sexual, but i always super uncomfortable and didnt want to do it and she never stopped. something simular to this has happened multiple times with different people

3.5 years after the event, have finally managed to bring myself to talk about it in therapy

talked about how I didn’t know what to call it. “assault” didn’t feel right but “rape” felt like i was ‘appropriating’ real rape and mine didn’t feel real because it was lesbianic.

was so heartbreaking but also a little affirming for my therapist to say that what i described was the definition of rape (also that my experiences and feelings were valid, and in that room i was safe etc etc)

anyone else had this weird experience where they didn’t know what language to use to discuss it??

I am a med student (21F) who went out with a doctor (28M) to watch a movie. He had flirted with me before and I flirted back. Couple days passed by and he asked for my number and proceeded to ask me on a date to watch a movie. The date was in his house and I left it very clear, before accepting, that I wasn't going to have sex or anything else with him.

When I arrived the TV was already playing and I just sat with him and watched it, quietly. Then he suddenly tried to kiss me which I pushed him away. I said the same as before and that for anything to ever happen I would have to know him more.

He responded with "then ask me what you wanna know about me". I made some questions and he made some back, meanwhile touching my arm/back/neck. Then he tried again to kiss me, which I once again pushed him.

After this he stopped the movie immediately and started saying things like "what would be different if we did it after one month talking versus now" and "I'm to old to be running around a girl that is trying to make herself difficult". Now I, stupidly, started justifying that I only wanted to feel more comfortable and that I did like him and didn't mean for everything to end abruptly. He then started kissing me more "aggressively" and I didn't do anything, I basically just rolled with it.

He asked me to go to his room. I said, once again, I didn't wanna have sex. He said "We won't do anything, it's just to be more comfortable". He went and I went after him (I know, stupidly), he kept the lights off and I could barely see anything. He started once again kissing me, than he tried to take my shirt which I stopped him. He said "There's many ways to give you pleasure without penetration" to which I didn't answer, I froze by now, and he took it out. He proceeded to take my pants and then, when he tried to take my underwear, I stopped him again to which he replied with "I'm just gonna play with it".

From now on I only remember pain and dissociation. He asked multiple times if I was feeling pain which I said yes. Other things he said I couldn't hear/wasn't paying attention. My body was there but I was somewhere else, it was like I was narrating what was happening in my head, as if I was an outsider - "now it's to late to stop", "I hope he does it with a condom", "now he is doing x or y" and so on. He asked and I kept saying I was fine so it would end faster.

He was above me and Eventually he moved. I didn't get why at first but when I put my hand on my belly I realised he came on it. He cleaned it and gave me a towel and put me in the shower. I felt like a zombie, I wasn't even processing what happened and I just stood under the shower. Then he yelled that he threw my clothes on the ground near the door for me to wear. I was shocked. I got dressed and asked if he wanted me to leave now and he said no.

He sat me down and said "So do we go from this to a relationship or not?". I was still like a zombie and so confused. Then he continued that he didn't want it. First he said that it was because I was younger and would be to stressed which exams. Then because his passion is medicine and as an emigrant he could easily lose everything to which I wouldn't understand cause this is my country. I was so confused with what he was saying. He finished with the reason that he just didn't like me and didn't wanna hurt me.

I asked why then he did all of this, knowing I said I didnt want it to happen, and he said he couldn't resist. I burst into tears and I left. He tried calling me multiple times and left some text messages that were the following:

• I'm sorry, tell me if you got home or not?

• Please.

• Please, tell me, are you home, I am worried about you.

• Please, tell me something?

I never answered. I took screenshot of everything and then deleted his number. When I got home I showered again. There was blood on my underwear and the area in all swollen and in pain.

I don't wanna ruin my future. I'm also very scared that he might tell someone his version of events and it will be my word (student) against his (doctor). He isn't directly my tutor, by his is friends and coworker with my clinical tutor (25F).

I'm sorry if it's confusing and bad written. This happened in less than 12h ago. I took a nap and woke up feeling nauseous and in a panic attack. I can't still quite figure this all thing out. Is this rape if I froze and didn't yell/screamed at him?

When I was younger, my mom had a bf, from like.. late 2017 - early 2023, idk if I can name him but we'll just call him D. Around the first three years of their relationship I wasn't around, living with my grandma due to stuff I'm not gonna get into, and in 2019 (I think) I moved back up to them, everything was fine at first but we did NOT get along well, but one night some things changed. I was scared because I had heard metal grinding in the back yard and thought it was a monster. (Lol) I called D's name, and told him I was scared. He told me I could come into the bathroom with him, and I did. He was in the shower. And I don't remember much, but he was telling me how he wanted to show me what he looked like. (Naked, ofc) And I was like "It's just a human body, just a meat stick" (as funny as that sounds lol I was 9) and eventually he showed me himself. I was pretty shy at first, but as time went on, he'd call me into the bathroom, telling me he... "Forgot the soap" or. "Forgot a towel" and Id go in, and hand whatever he needed to him. I'd go to leave, but he'd start conversation. And 9 times out of ten, I'd leave the door open. He'd eventually tell me to shut the bathroom door, and we'd be locked in together. He'd have me touch him while he... Y'know choked the chicken. Eventually he'd finish, and it would be a wrap for the night. But we moved away from showers, to watching porn together. I'd help him get off, but sometime, it moved to him rubbing himself on me, to eventually some penetration. This happened up until like, within the first three months of 2023. Now, I don't hate him. My mom says there's a possibility his brother/mother did something to him as a child, and that Hurt, people, hurt people. I can totally understand that. I can't hate him, I can never bring myself to hate him. The only thing I hate, is that now, I can never be normal. Every day, all I can think about is sex. Brutal. Disgusting. I can never get it out of my head. And I'm scared. I've done really bad things in the past. With older men. Trying to fill a void he'd left in me, but I never can. With him it just felt right. Thinking about actual, genuine sex with anyone but him makes my skin crawl. Any... Ahem, self pleasure (ewueuyuckk) I do, feels wrong without him around. And I don't think I could ever have boombayah (lolsies) with someone without it feeling totally consensual. I've formed weird obsessions with getting groomed and I can't stop fantasizing about Every. Single. Older. Figure. In my damn life. Whether it's a friendly woman I see at the store, or a man who resembles him slightly. I create characters and play out stories in my mind that resemble what happened between me and him, and I get off on them. Now, I want to be objectified, to be seen as nothing but something for someone's pleasure. I hate it sometimes, when I'm not drooling over filthy fucking fantasies I'm hating myself. I look for him in everyone I meet. No matter who it is. I constantly think about people naked, at cringe as that sounds, I genuinely have sexual thoughts about everyone. Everytime I'm around a man, who's atleast 15 years older than me, I think about what it'd be like for them to do what D did to me and when I've finished obsessing and fantasizing over their manhood, I resent them if they haven't made a move on me. But who the fuck would??? Literally no man because I am not in their age group. I hope no grown man ever approaches me because I wouldn't be able to say no. And I also always hope a grown man approaches me. Cause that's what I need.

I'm sorry

Earlier this year I was talking to someone online and we had decided to meet up for a hookup, the best place that worked for both of us was there house so I ended up going to there house and meeting them. After some light conversation and what not we went to there bedroom and where just sitting on there bed talking about what we have been up to in general, one of there parents ended up walking in and I was fairly shocked because I was under the impression that they lived alone. myself bring a trans girl and unfortunately still looking more masc, I panicked a bit and just gave the parent a fake male sounding name and said I had met the person I was there to see at work and I was just over to talk about work stuff.

They left us alone and went back to bed after that. The person I was there seeing locked the door so they didn't come back in again. After all that I was feeling pretty uncomfortable about having someone else in the house and really didn't feel like do anything anymore Incase they tried to come back in and I was communicating that and telling there person that. The person I was there to see was very insistent about us still doing something and was getting really pushing about it, started moving closer to me on the bed and placing there hand on my leg and things like that, after they kept saying things like "it'll be fine they won't come back in" "we don't have to be loud" "we can just do some things" come on your already here" etc, just lots of that kinda stuff and being pushy even after I kept trying to be nice and make it really obvious that I wanted to just leave and not do anything anymore.

I was feeling kinda scared at this point tbh as they where physically much bigger than me and with how pushy and touchy there where getting and they did not look like they where going to unlock the door to let me out until we did something. So feeling scared and worried what might happen if I didn't just do something to get it over with already I very sheepely said "okay fine but nothing full on" (as in like penetrative sex) and I than just used my hands and gave oral to try to just get "the job" done as quickly as I could So I could leave.

Well he ended up finishing and unlocking the door and said "thanks for that". Feeling pretty sick and kinda lost? Mentally a bit like not there in the moment? I gathered my things and promptly left.

Sorry if this is not the right place to post this for any reason. This only happened back in February and I haven't told this to anyone. Just looking for a place to like get it out so I don't have to keep it in I suppose.

It’s been years, I don’t even think it’d be an option. I don’t have any proof or any leg to stand on. But the questions/what ifs have been circulating in my brain lately and I wanted to know others experiences

hiya,

does anyone have any queer/lesbian book recommendations about surviving SA?

everything i seem to read is centred around heteronormative experiences :(

Five months ago, my younger brother (15M) tried to SA me(18F) while i was asleep. We were sleeping on the same bed, while our parents were sleeping on the other bigger bed in the same room. He had lowered his pants and put my hand on his dick and pleasured himself. Thankfully, I woke up as i felt my hands moving up and down. I yelled at him in disbelief and ran downstairs to my room. By then, he had pulled his pants up. The next morning, I told my mom about the same and she was very upset. She talked to him and he repeatedly denied that he did it consciously / deliberately. His answer was that he was half asleep at that time and had accidentally done it. My mom asked my dad to intervene and he tried talking to my brother about it. After the discussion, he acknowledged that it happened and made him apologize to me. But he believes my brother did not do it purposefully with the intent of sexually assaulting me. I don't buy it though. It seems very unbelievable that someone can accidentally pull their pants down and get a sleeping person's hand to give them a handjob, all while being asleep. And this is not the first time something like this had happened. He had tried to hump me and my mom several times, whenever he had a chance. Especially while sleeping. I told my brother that I'd forgive him if he accepts that he's guilty. But, he starts crying and it angers my dad because he thinks i'm hurting him. Although i'm disappointed and sad, I dont harbour any hate for my brother because he's been a good brother and has supported me through many things. He was SAed by his friend before 4 - 5 years. I thought he needed therapy and talked to my parents about it. My mum agreed with me. However, my dad was totally against it as he feared it would ruin the family’s honour if the matter ever gets out. I feel very bad because he forces me to behave normally with and around my brother like nothing ever happened. Everytime i try to bring it up, he shuts me up saying that i'm overreacting. We live in India and attending therapy is not very normalized here, unlike in the west. Mum and I are helpless. I've decided to attend therapy online to get over it. Suggest good & inexpensive therapists online. It would be even better if they could speak tamil.

I dont remember much of it since i (NB23) was a very young child at the time, no older than 6 or 7, but recent unpleasant realisations brought this memory to the front of my mind and i feel sick to my stomach. I have this memory of this woman i know a year younger than me, taking me up to my room and asking me if i wanted to "play sex" and i believe i didn't know what that was/meant. She then showed me how by oral and touching me and encouraging me to do the same to her and i believe this happened on multiple occasions. I read something about COCSA saying it was rape but somewhere else said it wasnt because of no penetration and i need help in processing this. I hope you can help