r/seduction

From my experience only average or slightly above average girls have ever chased me.

I’ve never seen a gorgeous girl chase a guy and I think it’s because they don’t have to. They constantly have guys trying to do things for them and date them. These girls will just avoid me when they realize I don’t chase them or cater to them

This is kind of my type. Good-looking, more introvert and kind of humble. Girls with very little social media presence (I don't use Instagram), and who are just not looking for attention.

Usually my go-to is bars/nightlife (I am a big beer fan) and dating apps.

I think this is just the way of least resistance to me, to find a potential match. But it's unlikely i find a girl I mentioned doing these 2 things since usually it's the opposite kind of girl.

I am still afraid of approaching during the day. Did anyone actually found this type of girl doing approaches during the day?

Where else could I find these type of girls. I feel like they just go to work, go home, spend time with family and do activities with friends aka they are very private.

Thanks for any advice.

Let’s kill this league mindset once and for all.

You see a girl who’s beautiful, confident, well-dressed, surrounded by people… and your brain tells you she’s way above you.

“She’s to pretty, she’ll never go for a guy like me” “I bet she’ll reject me right away”

Multiple excuses flooding your brain, once again.

Been there?

You believe there’s a hierarchy. That dating is some kind of competitive matchmaking system where women get assigned to guys based on status points.

So you don’t approach. You don’t flirt.

You don’t even try.

But then you see her with a guy who looks like a downgrade. Or you see an even prettier girl with an even worse looking man.

And suddenly you’re confused

How many times have you seen an unattractive guy with a stunner by his side?

“But I bet he’s rich” “Oh he must be successful”

Excuses.

Here’s the truth: That guy isn’t more special than you He’s just playing the game. You’re not.

He talks to girls regularly. He’s faced rejection, pushed through awkward moments, made mistakes, kept going. He’s not better than you… just more comfortable and more experienced than you in those situations.

That’s what you’re really seeing when you think a girl is “out of your league.” You’re seeing someone who has more social experience than you, and it intimidates you.

But you could have that too. You just haven’t earned it yet.

Because you’ve been sitting on the sidelines Watching Overthinking Talking yourself out of chances that could’ve changed you

You’re not behind because of your looks Or your money Or your height

You’re behind because you’ve spent years avoiding the action

The only thing separating you from the guys who “get girls” is exposure They’ve been in the field They’ve done the work You haven’t… yet

You’re not unworthy You’re untrained

And training starts the second you drop the ego and get into the real world Not scrolling, not fantasizing, not waiting to feel ready

There are no leagues. There’s just experience And if you’re willing to step into it, everything changes

Let me know if this hit you too. I’m always down to talk with anyone going through it.

A 10/10 was very interested in me but then started avoiding me when a group of 7/10 girls were joking around and flirting with me. Did she see me as low value by associating with less attractive girls than herself?

Where has the path of least resistance is taking you?

I ask this because, when I talk to guys about their dating choices, I notice a pattern. They start with what's easiest. Maybe they try dating within their friend circles. If that doesn’t work, they move on to dating apps. If that fails, they might go to a nightclub. Still no luck? Maybe they try a yoga class, a club, or a dating event. And if that doesn’t work... well, some might eventually try real life approaches with strangers.

Now, not everyone goes through all these stages, but most start with what feels easiest. And sure, that makes sense. But have you ever asked yourself, where does the path of least resistance actually lead?

Highschool sweethearts

I’ve seen this play out back home. People go to the same school, hang out in the same social circles, and eventually they just end up marrying each other. It’s not even intentional - it just happens because it’s comfortable. We used to joke that it felt like marrying cousins because everyone already knew each other so well.

And look, I’m not judging. But when I look at those relationships now amongst the people that I knew from my school… they don’t exactly scream confidence, abundance, or excitement. They seem more like a result of circumstance rather than choice.

The Dating App Frustration Loop

Then there’s dating apps. Sure, they feel like the easiest option at first - just swipe and message. But what happens? Frustration. Ghosting. Feeling like you’re throwing messages into the void. And yet, guys stick with it because it’s the path of least resistance.

But here’s the truth: the path of least resistance will never get you the dating life you actually want.

It won’t give you the best romantic opportunities. It won’t build your confidence. It won’t improve your social skills. That’s just not how life works.

The Hard Path is the Only Path

If talking to women in real life feels hard for you, that’s exactly why you should be doing it. Because doing the hard thing is what forces you to grow. And growth? That’s the real catalyst for a better life.

Yeah, it’s uncomfortable. You’ll have to face rejection, social anxiety, and awkward moments. But that’s where the real transformation happens. That’s what separates the guys who settle from the guys who create their own dating lives.

One date from a real-life approach is worth fifty dates from an app. It’s just different. The feeling you get from making something happen in the real world - the autonomy, the freedom, the satisfaction - it’s unmatched.

What’s Your Path?

So, if you’re not where you want to be in your dating life, ask yourself:

Have you been taking the path of least resistance?

If the answer is yes, then how can you expect to have the dating life you want? The path of least resistance only leads to low-quality experiences and limited options.

If you want real growth, if you want choice, if you want confidence, if you want to be the kind of man who creates opportunities instead of waiting for them…

Then you need to take the path of most resistance. For a lot of you guys, that means real-life approaches.

Are you willing to take that path?

Just want to know the most revered choices for books on this so I can read em over summer. Want to have some knowledge abt this stuff

Matched with chick on bumble, said directly she is looking for fun and was bored. She was new to bumble (it even showed on bumble).. She wanted to call, we talked for like 20 min, just a bit sexual but not whole conversation. I told her had to go to sleep. I added her number and now need to text her the next day. Should i go directly to asking her to go for a drink? Or send her something to reinstate convo for a bit today gauge her interest then ask her out? How should I pick up the convo?

Howdy gents,

I'm mid 30s and while Ive read up on dating and game and what not for the last twenty years or so, I do have a good bit of experience for roughly the last 15 years or so.

Now, Ive been out of work for a bit since last summer but did some traveling here and there and got an offer that started about a month ago that is 45k more than I was making and puts me at 6 figures. Ive been staying with some family for the last month or so to get rid of some CC debt and now I'm configure where I want to live. Ive been a bit nomadic since last summer and traveled across the US as I was tired of my last city and wanted to see what else was out there.

Now, since I have some money I dont want to be stupid but I want to genuinely configure ways to enhance opportunities increasing the likelihood of meeting women or meeting more fit women, but also enhance my access to others or being around more successful people and hopefully that'll rope off on me (the five average people thing and all). I have done entrepreneurship/startup stuff since 2016 and hackathons/competitions for the last 5 years so its not exactly out of my wheel house.

The immediate thought was to probably get a photo shoot done for photos (I use apps right now for meeting people since even getting numbers in person never seems to do shit as of the last two years or so, and its hard to meet friends/have a good social circle which I know is a bit of a problem but alas), fitness (I do semi hate this is longer term but I know I need to get my fitness level up-I also thought about using class pass to try different gyms/be more surrounded by fit women and make friends in that area as well).....

But I wanted to ask...what are ways youve seen money used to viably generate access, increase opportunities, or increase the likelihood of meeting a better looking women or that gave you more opportunities to be succesful? Can anyone comment on like the framework they used when they're life was going upward/they were intentional with their direction and pursuing success?

Girl I work with older than me 38f I'm 24m I think is throwing hints but I can't tell

I know she's single she knows I'm single

Started off with me talking to her here and there, then one day she asked me for my Instagram

We talk sometimes but she has kids and I get busy occasionally so not often

We both like to workout and she mentioned at work that she takes some supplements I never took, she offered and gave me some and texted me to let her know how it went

Later I had some stuff she never took and returned the favor whatever whatever

Was leaving work and we were talking and I said we should workout sometime and she said yeah but her gym though and to let her know

Does this girl wanna have something and is waiting for me to make a move?? Or is this just an older woman tryna be friends with me

Lots of matches on dating apps and dates. Miss chatting one on one about dating apps any one up for a voice chat? Must have had many dates before

I (19M) have a problem with building a meaningful connection with people I talk to. I work as a intern in a nearly all female department for close to a year. With this also being a people facing job I have developed a skill for small talk. We can have a conversation about anything, but the thing is I couldn’t give a singular fuck less. Matter of fact, my coworkers keep inviting me to informal after work events, parties, oktoberfest, etc… and I feel bad for them thinking I am enjoying talking and spending time with them. It’s not that I hate them, they are good honest people, I just feel indifferent. This attitude over the past couple of months has spilt over into my dating life. I’m a fit slightly below average looking dude, so my dates are few and far between, but fuck me I am a fumbler. A intern from another department asked me out for a coffee and we were having (in her eyes) a great conversation. She really wanted to guess my birthday and after some tried I revealed to her it’s 14th, she couldn’t stop giggling about it telling me she doesn’t believe me because she’s on the 15th. That day I was hungover, and accidentally let the mask slip. After staring into blank space for what felt like only a couple of seconds, she looks me in the eyes and says in a concerned but soft tone “you don’t seem to care at all do you?”. The conversation then completely fizzled out after a short while and I left to pay the bill. This is one of several examples where I professionally airball essentially given shots by not connecting and reciprocating that feeling or letting a conversation die out because why “chase” her when… I don’t fucking know. I’m just tired man. Tired of these endless superficial conversations about idfk weather, gossip, home or whatever. Please help.

My job gives me the opportunity to talk to hundreds of beautiful women every day but I lack the fundamental skills to open up a conversation, and if I do, I don’t know how to keep it flowing properly. I know people say the obvious “use your surroundings” but I need someone to break it down for me in its simplest form. I lack picking up on social cues so I wouldn’t even know when it’s acceptable to flirt.

There have been times where a woman has given me an alley oop and I didn’t even realize I bombed it till much later.

It’s like I’m naturally witty and charming but when my actions become conscious and intentional, I lose that ability and become timid and weird.

I know , PRACTICE. Of course. I’m also looking for someone to just put an outline on it, a template so I have something to work with.

B

We hung out a couple times already, and they wanted to hangout a third, without us asking, so I assume that's a sign.

But the second time we were at my friends crib, just the 4 of us, watching a scary movie, she didn't sit next to me by the couch, which kinda made me feel like she's not interested. She laid down next to her friend instead.

Should I keep trying? She's only had 1 body before, and young. I've had lots of fun hanging out at least.

The girls in Pattaya bars had some wild reactions when I walked by — their faces say everything.

I didn’t even say a word. Just walking through and their eyes locked on me.

If you’ve been to Pattaya, you know the vibe.

👉 Watch it here: [YouTube-Link einfügen]

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Girls like my posts and I message them, but it never goes beyond a simple conversation or they just leave. I have money, an athletic body, a good profile on social media, I'm up to standard.

Mystery speaks of high social status. My question is, to what extent does health status affect a woman's perceived social status?

This one is for the guys who have experience with 9s.

I've been trying to focus on dating more 9s this year, instead of the typical 7s and 8s, to improve the quality of the girls I sleep with, but I'm struggling to see the value in them aside from their looks and/or the perceived status it gives you knowing that you are dating a girl of that caliber.

Like aside from their looks, the difference with these girls compared to 7s and 8s is that they are pretty much always pay to play in the sense that they feel no personal responsibility to equalize the relationship/dynamic between you two. For example, as the man, you're always expected to pay for everything, including the ubers (at least in LATAM).

The thing is these girls know they're high caliber so they can get away with it since there are plenty of guys out there willing to do it. It's essentially the base requirement to be able to date them.

They also don't make it easy for you since they aren't putting out until the 2nd or 3rd date either since they see themselves as the prize that needs to be earned instead of an equal player in the game trying to have some fun with someone cool.

Whereas 7s and 8s who try that shit, at least with me, get ghosted because there are plenty of other 7s and 8s out there I can meet who are willing to put in some kind of investment into our dynamic, the base requirement being covering their own transportation, but ideally even offering to cover something small or potentially even a meal. And if a 7 or 8 doesn't put out by the 2nd date max (although often I lose interest after the 1st), I'm goneso since lots of others do.

I've tried to avoid paying the Ubers for 9s, implying they should get the next round, or suggesting to split the bill and every time I do, I lose them because internally, it turns them off completely. Like the dynamic is totally different for these girls just based on how their brains are wired. You don't pay, they won't let you play.

The problem for me is that I struggle to see what the point of it is. Sure, some of them might have cool personalities, but so do plenty of 8s who are actually willing to put in more of an actual investment into me. So in the end, the only difference is their looks and perceived status it gives me to be able to date them (which idgaf about).

So if that's the case, I feel like I'm better off sticking to dating 8s and if I want a sexual experience with a 9, just getting an escort. They cost the same (or even less) than a normal 9 would if you factor in all the money spent on dates to get a normal 9's pants off (since these girls won't accept cheap coffee/Netflix dates every time either).

Idk, what do you guys (who have experience dating 9s) think? Or is there another way I should be dating/treating them that I'm missing?

She’s a legit 10/10 girl where everyone stares at her wherever she is and is always the hottest girl in the room.

She was initially showing me interest but then she went cold. Suddenly got hot again. Every time I pull away she pulls twice as hard and just starts talking to other people. I tried to not act needy to scare her away but I’m starting to think she didn’t think I was interested. She gets tons of attention already so I was trying to be different but I think that backfired

Now she won’t even look at me.

It’s hard to not care because she literally blows all other girls out of the water personality and looks.

Is there anyway to come back from this? Just talking to other girls sucks because they aren’t nearly attractive as her around here.

Absolute rookie when it comes to this. I’ve only got two posts from holidays/vacations for you Americans and one highlight from my hobby.

I’m starting to work on things to add to my highlights/posts, but I’m kinda stuck on not wanting to make it look like I’m a poser and I don’t know what’s ‘worthy’ of being a post/highlight.

Of course if it’s something like me playing a full melody on the guitar/piano I’ll chuck that in, but what about the less eventful things?

Then comes the actual adding/texting part. I was thinking of going through people who I’ve met through my hobbies and adding them up from there to have that mutual connection, but I’m clueless where to go from there. I’m wondering what the ‘consensus’ is when someone adds you up randomly on IG, is it something strange or am I deeping it?

I also thought about looking at the pages for local gyms, sport pages aimed at women or student groups to look through the followers and add up from there, but I’d need to build my page up 100% before I do that - is that ‘viable’?

Any pointers and advice is more than welcome. Looks wise I’m attractive, physique is lean/toned but working on more muscle definition, and can definitely do with ‘using’ this to my advantage, I just don’t take pictures.

Subject kind of says it all. I'm turning 50 in a few months and I've honestly never really had "game" or "rizz" or whatever it's called. I moved to the the US at age 13 and while everyone was starting to date and such I was trying to just figure out how to adapt to a new place.

I'm an extrovert with a lot of friends, I also have some pretty serious anxiety and body image issues (was fat and nerdy, now a lot less fat but still nerdy, LOL). It feels like at my age, women would expect me to know how to make the first move, how to flirt, etc. So I find myself in a bit of downward spiral around dating/love/sex - the rest of my life is absolutely amazing (traveling, walking 15K+ steps a day, still going to all night raves at 50, a fully paid off house, a successful small business after a few years of post-pandemic struggles, etc). I have a lot of female friends who are super close and love me but in my mind I'm at this point where I'm "loveable but not f*ckable" and it gets me down in the dumps sometimes even when everything else in life is great. I have been in a few relationships in the past thanks to OLD but I find the OLD situation these days to be pretty vacuous. I've also seen a escorts just to get my sexual needs met but that's feeling really empty too.

So yeah, subject says it all - how do I get started with this journey at this point in my life? Or is it just too late?

Edit: I am starting therapy to help sort this out.

For context: I’m looking to go on dates, have fun, have sex. I’m not looking for anything long term nor anything that implies exclusivity. I usually tell people that I’m not looking for long term stuff etc but struggle to answer when they ask for more detail because replying with “sex” just seems rude.

Any ways of communicating this in a way that isn’t being a massive dick?

I know it’s not a subreddit to post this, but i would like opinion of you guys, how are you dealing with hooking up with people who have HSV (herpes) of any type, also if you have it, does it make dating and hooking up more difficult, and people who don’t have it, would you refuse person who disclose that they have HSV.

HSV is very common, but stigmatized, so i would like to know opinion from people who are very sexualy active, and us here who has more chance to get one.

I’m a gym bro, going to the gym since 10 years now. I have had one girlfriend that was a gym girl and it was amazing (common hobbies, common ways of eating/sleeping, training together ect…).

I love fit girls. I’m recently back on the dating market and it’s almost impossible to match with fit girls on dating apps (i think I might be a 7, maybe more for some girls but I’m not very good at taling pictures of me, i have mostly selfies and I don’t like to ask someone to take a picture of me)

I also decided to try to talk to girls on the street and in the gym. In the street it’s somewhat easy, but in the gym almost everyone has his headphones on and i don’t like to « disturb »

I talked to a girl I find incredibly cute and that was checking me often, she was very pleased but she told me that unfortunatly she had a boyfriend since november (i think she is telling the truth because she was very precise)

So, my point is : how would you guys do to make some approches at the gym ?

She kissed you. She laughed at your jokes. She touched your arm. And then… she left.

You didn’t mess up the vibe. You didn’t creep her out. You just didn’t lead it anywhere.

Here’s what you never learned: Sex doesn’t happen because you “earned it.” It happens because you created the space for it to feel like it just happened.

That’s the game. She’s not going to initiate. She’s not going to grab your hand and say “take me to bed.” But she will follow if it feels natural. If the moment is smooth. If the transition makes sense.

That transition is where most guys fumble.

You think kissing her was the finish line. It’s not. It’s the green light.

From there, the energy has to flow forward without resistance. No awkward silences. No sudden “so… wanna go back to my place?” No pressure. No stalling.

It’s rhythm. You hold tension… then you break it. You tease… then you pull back. You touch… then you let go.

She should feel relaxed, excited, and slightly uncertain about what’s coming next but NEVER unsafe. It should feel spontaneous, but directed. Like you’re both just following the vibe. Like it was meant to happen.

If you wait for her to lead it, it dies. If you force it, it breaks. But if you calibrate it, build it, and give it space it unfolds on its own.

That’s what separates the guys who “almost got there” from the ones who actually close.

Did you ever fumble an opportunity to have sex?