r/vindicta
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
Discuss how you did last month and what are your goals for the new month.
The lips are the 10th most important feature on the face, meaning their insanely insignificant, your lips are more often than not harmonious to your face, your lip fillers even subtle are unnecessary and will usually cause a lot of people to take away from your beauty because they think you’re completely fake, like think madison beer who very clearly only had her lips done but now people need to act like she’s extremely manufactured to be attractive. focus on jaw and eye area, those are the most important features. people rarely look good with lip and cheek filler.
horror storytimes:
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
I (30/f) have been doing subtle hardmaxxing for the last six years and it has really paid off. I knew something was “off” about my face and thought it was 100% my nose and got a nose job. But something still felt off, and since I have discovered objective beauty subs, I’ve managed to fix a lot of my flaws with minor tweaks that have made a big difference.
Most of this is hardmaxxing but I understand some of these aren’t technically hardmaxxing. Medium-maxxing, maybe? I’m including these things because they have made a big impact on my looks. I’m also putting these in order from oldest to newest procedures.
Lastly, I am including the negative repercussions I’ve had from each procedure. Not every thing I did gave me bad side effects but I’m not going to sugarcoat this: plastic surgery and procedures can be detrimental for some people in unexpected ways.
Rhinoplasty- This was the very first procedure I had done and was about six years ago. I mainly wanted to fix my deviated septum and refine my nose as it was quite big and bulbous. Although it didn’t turn out the way I wanted and was overly conservative, it’s still an improvement. My nose isn’t great but at least now it doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb on my face.
Unfortunately my nose somewhat went back to its old self due to cartilage memory. For example, my septum is slightly deviated again but not as bad as before. It still looks decent but not as good as when I first had it done. I’ve since learned that rhinoplasties have very high revision rates.
Accutane- I had cystic acne all over my face but mainly on my jaw/cheeks that started when I was 11. I’m also very pale and red acne was so obvious and left PIE for months after a cyst was gone. Acne has been something I’ve battled my whole life and finally, two years ago, I decided to do Accutane despite how scared I was. It cleared up my skin beautifully and the acne never came back.
Accutane caused telogen effluvium (hair loss.) I’ll get to how I addressed that later. Along with hair loss, I also was diagnosed with dry eye disease after the ‘tane. I had red, bloodshot eyes for a year and it was miserable and embarrassing. Luckily my dry eyes went away and I can wear contacts again. Lastly, I was very depressed on Accutane and felt awful. I started feeling better once my course was complete.
SARPE/braces- SARPE is a type of upper jaw surgery that expands your palette with an expander. You are left with a gap between your front teeth which is closed with braces. I think my gap was 9mm so pretty significant!
SARPE/orthodontics had an enormous impact on my beauty. I had a cross bite due to a very narrow palette. I literally only had 4-6 teeth show depending on the angle, it was that bad and looked kind of rodent. It was definitely a failo.
Nearly two years later, I’m almost done with my orthodontic work and am so pleased! I now have 8 teeth show and a nice wide smile. My buccal corridors are gone and it’s easier to rest my tongue on the roof of my mouth. I can breathe a bit easier through my nose. Also, my teeth are finally straight!
SARPE surgery led to ear issues. I’ve had to get tubes put in my ears and will need them again soon because it’s been an ongoing issue since the surgery. Jaw surgery is not something to take lightly and can have life time complications. That said, I’m still glad I got the surgery and hope I can get my ears fixed.
Botox- I started getting Botox about a year ago on my upper face. I only get it twice a year because I’ve found that over time I need less Botox and less frequently as well! I definitely plan to keep getting Botox, it’s such a good investment.
Crows feet Botox led to under eye bags for a few months. Botox can interfere with lymphatic drainage but this issue resolved itself once the Botox wore off. I’ll probably just leave the crows feet alone or get very little there.
TCA peels- TCA peels have been the best for maintenance since finishing Accutane. I find that peels work better and quicker than Tretinoin to truly get glass skin. I’m going to keep doing them monthly for anti-aging purposes. And I did add Tretinoin back in.
There is obviously downtime for chemical peels but I don’t really mind as I can mostly stay home during the time my skin is peeling. They also make you more photosensitive so you need SPF, hats, qnd sun protective clothing.
Oral Minoxidil- This was a life saver for my hair loss. It took about six months to notice my hair growing back in but it was worth the wait. What’s more, Minox caused my sparse eyebrows and eyelashes to grow back in beautifully!! I almost did microblading for my brows because they had bald spots in them but now they’re filled out again like when I was a little girl.
Minoxidil, whether oral or topical, needs to be used for the rest of your life or else any new hair growth will fall out. I personally don’t mind this as I’ve had no negative side effects.
Along with oral minox I also use Mielle rosemary peppermint oil on my scalp a few times a week to stimulate hair growth. I also use Ketoconazole shampoo as this has been found to have anti-androgenic effects to reduce hair loss as well.
What my future hardmaxxing plans are
Lip filler- This year I’m going to get 1ml of lip filler mostly in my upper lip. I’m waiting until my braces are off to do this. That way, I can pass off the new look as “I look different because my braces are off. Filler who?!” Similar to how celebs will get a haircut when they get plastic surgery to distract from the procedure. Plus, I like taking things slowly and doing one thing at a time.
Microneedling- I’m going to add this into my skincare routine this year for anti-aging purposes this year. Not much to say but I’m excited to get started.
Body peels- I do my TCA peels on my face, neck, chest, and backs of hands/forearms but I would like to get a stronger peel just for my body. I was lazy with sunscreen as a kid and baked myself in the sun, so I’m doing my best to protect my skin and improve it a little.
Barbie Botox- I have overdeveloped trapezes muscles that I would like to address with Botox. Hopefully this will help slim my shoulders a bit more to give me more of a feminine look. I also have wide shoulders so I’m hoping this will balance them.
Revision rhino- I am hoping to get a revision rhinoplasty in the next 3-5 years. I’m going to take my time and not rush into it so I can be sure to pick the best surgeon. I hope for a more dramatic result this time as my nose is still slightly crooked and bulbous. I also am still having trouble breathing out of my nose and need to mouth tape at night.
My current nose is not a “flaw” per se and I don’t really need a revision but it’s also not a pretty nose either and it takes up too much real estate.
I have been considering a lip lift in the future, but that is up in the air and dependent on how the lip filler/rhinoplasty affect my philtrum. I’m considering some cheekbone filler as well but who knows how my face will look after my planned procedures?
All in all, I wouldn’t take back a single thing I did. I guess my only regret is not picking a better surgeon for my rhinoplasty but I didn’t know then what I know now. I will do better the second time around.
I really hope this helps with anyone considering hardmaxing. My best advice is to go slow and go for “your face but better.” Don’t chase trends like a Barbie nose which will only lengthen your philtrum.**
Long post, but I have OPINIONS about this company (good and bad).
Hello all:
I’ve followed this sub for a while but never posted. Using a throwaway for reasons.
My adult teeth have been messed up forever. Two of my front teeth never came in after the baby teeth fell out. I used porcelain veneers for a while, but in college I developed a daytime grinding habit. The veneers cracked constantly. Night guards are useless.
I hope to get some higher strength veneers soon. I was googling those options and I started seeing ads for pop-on veneers. I picked Pop On (yes, that’s the name of the company). I’ve been using them for about three years now.
Here’s how it works:
• You fill out a questionnaire. If your teeth are in very bad shape (missing too many, severe rot, etc.), they might deny you.
• You choose top only or top and bottom arches.
• You pick a shade: “Hollywood White,” “Natural White,” or “Mature Tan.”
• They send you a mold kit to do at home (you take two molds, just in case).
• You mail it back, and a few weeks later your veneers arrive.
What I ordered:
• I got top and bottom arches, but I barely wear the bottom.
• I originally chose Natural White—too bright for me. I now get Mature Tan, which isn’t tan at all—just a natural-looking white I prefer.
Pros:
• Confidence boost: 10/10.
• If you baby them, one pair can last months or even a year.
• Easy to clean. I soak them in Polydent—don’t use toothpaste; it ruins the shine. Their cleaning products = same stuff from the drugstore.
• Surprisingly stain-resistant. Coffee and tea didn’t mess mine up.
Cons:
• Not for grinders. They’re thin and meant to look real, so they don’t hold up long with grinding. For me, 10 months is a good run.
• Not meant for daily wear. I rotate through a few pairs.
• Initial fit is awkward and can be mildly painful. Hot liquids help break them in—but don’t keep doing that.
• You really can’t eat with them. Soft foods at best, and even that’s annoying. I have a “dinner pair” but it’s a whole process.
• Same with hot drinks, vaping, smoking—heat warps them.
TL;DR? I like them just ok. They’re not perfect, but they’ve helped me a lot. Don’t have major expectations and I think you’ll enjoy them.
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
At 32 years old, I’m on a journey to go from a 7 to a 10. So far: -Lost 30 lbs on Ozempic bringing me to 120 (5’3). Join the carb smart and calorie smart subscription at Hello Fresh. -Lip filler -Doing my own acrylic nails (partly because cost but also because salons rarely take the time to achieve a natural look) -Doing my own lash lifts and subtle extensions -Accutane -Dr Dennis Gross red light mask three mins per day -Dr Dennis Gross intense wrinkle cream -Hair Botox (naturally coarse, thick, curly hair is now a supple much more manageable wave) -More frequent wardrobe updates
So the other day several people whom I hadn’t seen since December because they work im our offices in a different city, were visiting. Nearly each person I encountered said I look great. And the best one of all…this one Russian lady (I have big respect for the Russian culture’s appreciation of maxxing) who is super powerful and somewhat of a mentor, literally said “Wow you look like a ten, what are you doing??”. That was such a nice moment for me. It’s not necessarily that I enjoy the increased levels of attention, but the way people engage more attentively with warmer body language. It feels good. Most importantly, I am feeling better about myself.
I plan on getting IPL and Botox on my 11’s, as well as a subtle breast augmentation in the coming months.
I am really glad that this community has validated this endeavour, since mental conditioning about it being meaningless and superficial was holding me back 🥰
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
I think of my hair as something to sculpt, the finishing touch of an entire look. My natural texture is a mix of 2b/2c (waist length), but my preference is to heat style it when I wear it down. I understand these tips won’t work for everyone however this is less about topical products and routines, but rather being mindful of the overall silhouette we create with our hair and the effects of styling to deliver a specific vision. These are the most impactful things I’ve learned since starting to intentionally style my own hair when I was a teenager in the 2000s - besides the obvious disclaimer to always use heat protectant when you heat-style!:
Your hair cannot defy the physics of styling. If you do an overnight heatless curl that slicks your roots to your scalp in the direction you usually wear it down, you will not have volume at the crown of your head. The more you direct your roots against the way they lay, the more volume and lift you will have there. Braiding your hair will result in a wave rather than a spiral curl because that is the pattern a braided section of hair follows. Your hair will curl to the diameter of the product it wraps around; it will loosen and fall over the day, but you will not achieve tight ringlets with larger rollers. Curls will not form at your roots if you start wrapping them around a tong or heatless curler below your ears. The texture of your hair will vary depending on the size of the sections you curl, especially if you’re grabbing pieces of completely different sizes. It all sounds obvious but I see so many videos of people trying styling methods and being flabbergasted that the results don’t deliver what they never possibly could. The more you think logically about how the sections of your hair will behave, the less time you waste and the quicker you can identify methods that work for you, and achieve the looks you’re going for.
We’ve all heard to switch our parting regularly to avoid the hair thinning from consistent parting in the same spot. My tip is to find your favourite partings (I like slightly off-centre either side) and only wear these when you go out - in other words, whenever you get home, and especially when you sleep, change your parting to one you don’t usually wear to minimise the time spent in your most flattering partings. This has preserved the density in my preferred partings and helped restore it after some traction thinning. I still advise you to switch them up every so often, but I mean rather than wearing your hair in a centre part for a week, and then switching, change that centre part as soon as you get home so you’re only in it for X hours a day, rather than a straight week. This way you don’t waste the time nobody will see you, i.e. when you’re sleeping, needlessly thinning your hair by keeping it in the same parting.
Hairstyles work in conjunction with your outfits. I appreciate tips like, “the fussier the outfit, the straighter the hair, the more streamlined the outfit, the curlier and more dramatic the hair” however there’s beauty in the feline-like sleekness of straight hair paired with a simple figure-hugging outfit, and the romance of curls paired with ruffles and dramatic sleeves. Just think intentionally about the looks you create and how the features play off each other. Also be mindful of practical interactions; long hair fighting hoods, curlier hair getting tangled with dramatic textured earrings. Bonus tip: if it’s comfortable for you, tucking your hair into your coat or scarf gives a much more elegant silhouette in profile, than it laying over top of a structured large collar or scarf.
The same as above, but for make-up. I have strong facial features so curly hair adds visual weight to my face; to avoid this being overwhelming, I skip the winged eyeliner the more voluminous my curls are and focus on a fluttery lash to still define my eyes but more softly. Similarly, it’s my preference to wear contact lenses when my hair is curled, but if I have to wear my glasses I’ll opt for thinner frames rather than the chunkier ones that balance out my straightened hair.
Frizz is volume. Curls and wave patterns are volume. I used to curl my hair haphazardly (looser, more wave-like curls, think 1inch - 1.5inch barrel) but it always turned out great. Then when I had a special event, I would sit down and meticulously section and curl my hair…only to be left wondering why it suddenly looked so flat. By styling the roots all over my scalp, I was smoothing it all into uniformity. Now, when I want to achieve a more voluminous look, I focus on styling the “curtain” of hair that’s visible, i.e, the top section of hair surrounding the parting, and the ends of my hair underneath. This sort of mimics the tool that crimps the underside of your hair to give it volume; it allows your natural texture to bump and lift the hair that lays over it. It works much better for looser curls and waves, as for my texture it looks natural when the hair lifts and parts in the wind. Obviously it can look ridiculous depending on the contrast of the two textures you’re working with, but generally, the weight of my hair keeps it in place and the underside doesn’t get exposed.
Up-dos take more adjusting and readjusting than you may expect. No red carpet bun or ponytail was just thrown up in one go, with one hair tie. Expect and try to tie your hair up in separate sections that you then combine by tying those together (excellent for relieving tension and traction on ponytails, and making them appear fuller), and don’t be afraid to pull and tweak pieces at your scalp to create lift at the crown and adapt the hairline for more flattering angles.
Check your hair from the back. Large mirror behind you, small hand-held mirror in your hands, even a phone camera. That’s all.
Preserve your hair with intention. Experiment with hold products that work for you. If you’re styling your hair in the morning for an event in the afternoon, wrap your hair just that little bit tighter to account for the curl dropping over the course of the day. When I curl my hair for work, I travel with the length tucked into my jacket or coat to avoid the pattern being blown loose. Loosely twist your hair and secure if straightened, or opt for a loose low ponytail with a silk scrunchie to avoid kinking/denting with a thin and tight hair tie. When I straighten my hair for work, I like to tie it in one of these loose ponytails below the nape of my neck to keep it in place on my commute, and gently slide the hair tie down a few inches every so often over the course of my commute to avoid a dent forming. Depending on the length of your layers if you have them, this can give a really pretty faux-blowout swoop to the hair.
Have fun with accessories. You make the rules but some theories just make sense; velvet is especially pretty in winter, and satin/silk and lace in summer. Simple minimalist metallic clips and slides look chic and elegant, but especially great when colour-matched to the hardware of your jewellery and other accessories.
Minimise the amount of your roots on show when your hair is greasy. The reason the slick back style works so well on greasy hair, besides your sebum lending to the texture, is that the only roots on show are the small single line of your parting. Your roots are the greasiest part of your hair length, and the more that’s exposed through multi-sectioned hair styling, i.e. French or Dutch braids, half-updos, etc. the more obvious it is, especially if you have dark hair like me which more clearly shows the dead skin and product build-up that often comes at the point your hair needs a wash. For that last wash-day style, minimise the roots on show; focus on styles that use a single parting, try a cute bandana, and opt for styles that make the length of the hair look fuller to deceive the eye, i.e a ponytail or full bun rather than a tight thin braid.
I would love to learn more so please feel free to share your tips too!
I’m in my hospital bed in turkey about to get my last surgery! I have improved SO much after finding this sub. I would love to know how your life changed, positive and negative! There haven’t been many posts lately so I’m hoping to get a productive discussion going! What did you learn? If you could change anything what would it be? Are there procedures you regret? How did people treat you after you became conventionally attractive? For me not much really changed (and I didn’t expect it to). I do really believe it’s confidence and not looks bc once I decided on all my surgeries, I started acting like I was already hot and already had them and life just got better! But a rhinoplasty may have a different affect on how others treat me since now the outside will finally match how I feel inside! So tell me, what changed for you during your glowup journey? The good, the bad, and the ugly! 😅
Edit 4/1/25: nose job is done and life is getting a lil weird. I always got told I was pretty before but now I’m getting stopped in the streets and asked out and complimented on everything I wear. It’s weird. I don’t care tho this was a business decision. How do I use this in the business world? I need money and if you bytches say OF I swear to god 😂😭
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
Discuss how you did last month and what are your goals for the new month.
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
I’m two months postpartum and not breastfeeding so I was ready to start my weight loss journey!
I was formerly a model so to say I know how to count my calories is an understatement. I could get my 127lb frame to 123lbs within a week. (Most of it water weight, mind you)
I know to count every ounce of ANYthing that touches my lips, so getting from 190lbs to 130lbs PP sounded like a breeze. I know the steps, I know the rules, let’s lock in.
After two weeks of calorie cutting, I saw zero results. No, not zero results, I GAINED weight. From 190lbs to 193lbs.
Impossible, scientifically impossible! Googling confirmed what I thought. Literally impossible, I was probably forgetting to log some chips I was eating every day (no) I was probably having a 500 cal Starbucks everyday without realizing (NO) I was probably eyeballing everything (NO)
I kept bringing my cal lower and lower, and nothing was moving at all.
Suddenly, at the two week mark, I lost 3 pounds a day for two days. Boom boom. Just like that.
The reason I’m posting is because I saw so many people suggest that if you’re not seeing results you’re doing it wrong (possible) but I also saw some comments to say to just commit, and it would happen. At the one week mark after I gained three pounds it felt like it just was not going to happen, and something was wrong with my body.
You can do it! I believe in you!
Softmaxxing is about enhancing your natural beauty, not changing yourself completely. It’s about looking put-together, healthy, and effortlessly attractive. Here’s how to maximize your looks the right way:
Walk 10k steps a day. At first, it’s hard, but your stamina improves fast. Walking is one of the easiest ways to stay lean and toned.
Go to the gym every day. You don’t need to do heavy workouts daily, on lighter days, go for a long walk, do Pilates, or focus on stretching.
Fasted cardio (30-60 min walking or stairmaster) burns stored fat instead of just calories. Do this consistently, and you’ll see insane results in a month.
Diet matters. High protein, low-cal meals keep you full without ruining your progress. Stop overeating,your body thrives when you fuel it properly.
Tanned skin makes you look slimmer, healthier, and more attractive. It subconsciously signals vitality.
Avoid sunbeds (they age you fast). If tanning in the sun, always use SPF to prevent sun damage.
For self-tanners, the best brands:
Bondi Sands Transcolor (natural, streak-free), make sure you know your undertone, For example, if you have a green under tone like me, get a an olive color tan, if you have red, get gold.
Loving Tan (deep, rich tan)
Less is more. Too much makeup looks cakey, unclean, and unnatural. Instead of covering your features, enhance them.
Focus on:
Glowy skin over heavy foundation.
Soft blush over harsh contour.
Thin, fluttery lashes over thick, heavy falsies
Healthy, clear skin makes you look younger, fresher, and more attractive even without makeup.
Invest in quality skincare. My favorites:
Beauty of Joseon & Anua (gentle, effective K-beauty brands)
Medicube (for texture & pores)
Caudalie (for hydration & glow)
Sunscreen is a MUST. UV rays = premature aging & dark spots. Always wear SPF, especially on your face.
Accessories can make or break an outfit. Stick to classy, timeless pieces that enhance your aesthetic.
Silver vs. gold? Choose based on your undertone:
Cool undertones = silver
Warm undertones = gold
Avoid cheap, colorful, or overly trendy pieces that look cluttered and unpolished
Your natural hair color is usually what suits you best.
Frequent dyeing = damage. If your hair looks dry, brassy, or unhealthy, it instantly makes you look less put-together.
Prioritize healthy, shiny hair over following trends. Nourish it with oil treatments, masks, and regular trims.
Stop wearing random trendy pieces that don’t suit you. Figure out which colors make your skin tone, eyes, and hair pop.
Once you know your best shades, dressing well becomes effortless. You’ll always look expensive and polished.
I found this study which talks about facial massages and how it actually, objectively, does help. Felt like sharing since I used to be one of the OG members of this sub back in 2019-2020 before I deleted my old account. I think maybe some people here will appreciate this, since back in the day it was a lot more science based. Enjoy.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10381963/pdf/life-13-01528.pdf
Edit: Wrong Study! i meant to post this:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9907650/pdf/SRT-28-472.pdf
I was looking at multiple studies.
I wore a headband for the first time recently— pushing my hair off my face. I have bangs and generally fluffy hair, so I never both attempting to slick back my hair as it is an uphill battle.
Anyway, I am pretty surprised about the reception of my wearing a headband! Within a day, I received 5 compliments as soon as people saw me for the day. It seems weird to quantify this, but it was pretty shocking. As soon as a stranger/friend/coworker saw me, they said they loved my outfit. Which seems like a misdirected compliment, because I was just wearing my typical jeans and sweater. The only thing out of the ordinary was the headband. Another two folks (a close friend and my boyfriend) noticed immediately and directly complimented the headband bringing out my cheekbones/eyebrows.
Anyway, I felt pretty flattered. Like it was a magic trick! I wonder to what extent it’s just the “looking different” that drew compliments… but the strangers saying they liked my “outfit” seemed to work against that hypothesis.
I’m posting because I want to share in case anybody wants to give it a whirl, or mostly to see if there are other extremely specific small tweaks that will function similarly?
As the title suggests, this is where you can ask questions and chit-chat about anything you like! This is scheduled to post on Wednesdays.
Prior to posting your question, we suggest that you utilize the subreddit search feature that Reddit offers. Plenty of things have already been discussed in the sub, often many times over, and while we understand it's an extra step, some questions have just been asked so many times that they may not be well-received. In addition to searching the sub, please check the sidebar to see if your question was answered there.
Hi, girls!
I've been thinking about this for quite some time and decided that this could be a good place to get some answers.
Over the past year, I’ve realized that a HUGE part of becoming the woman I want to be and creating the life I want is my mindset. I know it's not a groundbreaking revelation, but once I realized that nobody around me was the kind of woman I could look up to in terms of confidence and dating, I wanted to find some resources online.
I quickly noticed that a lot of content made for women is either based on spirituality—which I didn’t find helpful—the "divine feminine," which often sounds like a guide on how to be a pick-me, or general advice for women that relies on affirmations and delusion.
I’ve read a lot of redpill content and, while very toxic, I found quite a lot of truth in it. And then I thought—if men have redpill and the manosphere, what do we have? I'm talking about advice given in good faith, but with a bit of tough love, if you know what I mean.
Here on Vindicta was the first time I found women who were willing to be truthful about looks and weren’t dismissive like women usually are in real life, so I thought some of you might be able to help me.
I've already read everything from G.L. Lambert (loved Men Don’t Like Women Like You; the rest was trash), and I watched Margarita Nazarenko’s videos (at first, she seemed original, but it’s the same thing everybody repeats).
I've also been watching lots of different podcasts, reading books, and browsing forums, and I keep finding that men give better advice. But I’m sure there have to be women out there who do too.
What I don’t want:
I want to be a woman with a purpose, brave enough to live my life on my own terms and unburdened by the fake pressure society puts on us. I'm smart, but also kind and pleasant. And while I’m working on my appearance, I’d like to work on my mindset as well.
I’d really appreciate it if you ladies could share any secret books, podcasts, or creators that you feel truly made a difference—not just in how they made you feel, but how they actually made you change your life.
Thank you!
Hi everyone! This is sort of a continuation to my Neurodivergent Guide to Looksmaxxing series. In the previous posts, I’ve touched primarily on appearance, but I wanted to talk about the social aspects to glowing up, as these are equally important and arguably more challenging.
I physically glowed up prior to socially glowing up, and while that physical glow up was immensely helpful, being pretty and socially inept is a recipe for disaster. People will dislike you, be off-put by you, or take advantage of you. Beauty is a weapon, but a weapon is useless if you cannot wield it.
In my first post in this series, I have briefly discussed framing your quirks in way that is more flattering instead of trying to mask them. I firmly believe that total masking is a demeaning exercise in futility. People will always see through your mask eventually, and the chasm between the mask and reality is unlikable to others. Neurodivergence cannot be completely hidden, nor should it. We all deserve to be ourselves. However, unbridled authenticity is rarely well received is greater social settings. Instead of masking, I believe in styling. There is a lot of discussion here on how to style less conventionally attractive physical features in a more flattering way, but I think we can do this socially as well. It’s completely possible to make your “weird” traits work for you.
I will be the first to admit that I’m still mastering the art of styling effectively. As I said earlier, I got a head start on my physical glow up before starting my social one. I do think this was a mistake, because physically I stood out more but I was still very naive and vulnerable. This is why I will recommend that a physical and social glow up occur in tandem. However, I do think that having a stronger aesthetic foundation will make social styling a lot easier.
Below is a list of traits I have observed in myself and other neurodivergent people, and how I and others have managed to style them to make them a little more flattering. Please note this is highly subjective and based on anecdotal experience. Styling can be challenging and taxing, and your results will vary depending on who and where you are, so do what works best for you! Choose what you like and leave the rest. Since a lot of us are literal, I want to say that you don’t have to do everything.
General society has unwritten rules for how to appear friendly, dance around sensitive topics, or soften the blow of something that may be perceived as hurtful. If you’re aloof and blunt, you may be bad at recognizing and abiding by these rules. This can cause people to perceive you as rude, cold, or socially inept. Others don’t like it when someone seems to not understand or respect the rules. The key to styling this effectively is to portray yourself as someone who doesn’t have to follow the rules. You’re confident, you know what you want, and you don’t have time for pleasantries. If you start to believe this, others will too. Not everyone will like you, but you may be surprised by how many people will respect you. The key is to be unshakably confident. Fake it ‘til you make it. Other neurodivergent traits such as authority blindness or a strong sense of justice will be assets here. To really sell this, present as poised, classy, and discerning. Be well groomed and wear clean lines. Prioritize etiquette and articulation, as these have more defined rules that are easier to follow than unwritten ones, and good etiquette will soften bluntness. People respect politeness. Nervousness, being disheveled, or being inarticulate will dampen the effect.
Celebrity Example: I cannot think of a better example of charismatic bluntness than Rihanna. She is unshakably confident and is always willing to speak her mind. She pulls this off well because (aside from the fact she’s Rihanna) she never seems like she’s trying to impress or please anyone. She acts with the knowledge that others are supposed to do that for her.
Whether it’s about personal matters or a special interest, this has a tendency to make people uncomfortable or annoyed. It can, however, be hard for a lot of people to refrain from doing this, or even realize that’s what they’re doing. Before any styling, you need to be able to read reactions and adapt accordingly. You cannot make people less uncomfortable if you don’t realize they are in the first place. The first strategy for styling oversharing is to utilize humor to lighten the moment, but be cautious. Humor is a minefield of highly subjective, unwritten rules. The second strategy is to refer back to the person you are speaking with. It is important to remember that people are inherently somewhat self-absorbed, so if you catch yourself oversharing, try to find a way to tie your anecdote back to them in some way. You can tie it back to something they’ve mentioned earlier to make them feel heard, or you can throw in a compliment. You can’t and shouldn’t do this every time. Sometimes it’s awkward, and you just have to move on, but there are some cases where it can be played well. The idea is to use this trait to build rapport and seem very friendly. Others will think that if you’re listening to them and also being vulnerable, that must mean you like and trust them. It also demonstrates that you’re a confident, open person. To physically embody this and prime others for what to expect, a more free-spirited way of dressing and carrying yourself is ideal. Bohemian, colorful, and quirkier fashion elements are great complements. You should have open body language, smile, and be expressive. Flatness, stiffness, or anxiousness will make you seem socially inept or even untrustworthy.
Celebrity Example: Julia Fox is a master of this. She often overshares in interviews, but because she often makes it relatable or humorous to her audience, people find it charming. Her bold, quirky style helps to sell this as well.
A lot of us experience social anxiety, selective mutism, or are just generally quiet people. Depending on the context and the reason for being quiet, there are a couple of strategies for styling quietness. The first is to present as nonchalant and mysterious. Similar to the styling of aloofness, there’s an air of confidence needed to play this well. You don’t say anything because you don’t have to. You have no one to impress and nothing to prove. Laid back, slightly edgy attire and an unbothered attitude are key complements. This styling strategy has a couple of caveats. It can be effective if you’re a naturally quiet person, but if the quietness is due in part to anxiety, you may lack the presentation of confidence necessary to this strategy. This is also not a very effective strategy for overall approachability. Being cool is intimidating, and combined with quietness people may respect you, but not see you as friendly or approachable. A more effective styling strategy for anxious quietness is cuteness. A sweet, innocent demeanor softens the social edge of unexpected quietness. People will be endeared and quicker to extend social grace. It’s hard to be unkind to doe eyes and a soft smile. This strategy has been incredibly effective for me during my bouts of anxious quietness, but be warned that others may try to take advantage of your perceived naivety. Be cute, but stay alert and unafraid to set boundaries. Soft, feminine, and youthful colors and silhouettes will be your friends with styling quietness cutely. It is important to note that this tends to go over better with men, older women, and confident, extroverted women. Women in your age group with less extroversion may not be as receptive to this.
Celebrity Example: Jisoo does a great job at playing off nervousness in an endearing way. Her mannerisms and aesthetic are both sweet and girlish. Potentially awkward moments end up coming across as very cute.
This post is very long, so I am stopping here, but I’d love to hear your experiences and tips. Before I go, I want to reiterate that the purpose of glowing up, socially and physically, is to make your life easier. Implementing styling can be less taxing than masking, but is challenging in its own right. Remember to take care of yourself and give yourself grace. I know we're not supposed to talk about subjective beauty, but being ok with being a little awkward from time to time is beautiful in its own right. You have to be comfortable being you.
Most people accept that they are not supermodel-level or even above-average in looks. Yet, almost everyone engages in some form of softmaxxing—whether it’s styling their hair, wearing makeup, getting their nails or lashes done, or investing in fashionable clothing.
What I struggle to understand is how they find the motivation to go beyond the basics when they know they’ll never be extremely good-looking. For me, it’s all or nothing. I’m naturally pretty, but I have a few fixable flaws that keep me from reaching an absolute beauty level.
I have a clear plan for achieving extreme beauty. Right now, I’m focusing on getting as skinny as I want, and once I reach my goal weight, I’ll start hardmaxxing—fixing every flaw until I reach my ideal. Until then, I’m keeping things minimal—sticking to basic outfits and a simple hairstyle. I do wear makeup, but I don’t spend money on things like lash extensions or nails, which I see as the final touches rather than necessities.
The problem is, the minor flaws that prevent me from being a true 10 bother me so much. No matter how cute my outfit is or how well I style my hair, I can’t fully appreciate my reflection because those flaws stand out to me.
What I don’t understand is how other people appreciate their softmaxxing efforts. For example, when they get their hair done and say they love how it looks—how exactly are they assessing that? If they don’t look like supermodels, what are they comparing themselves to? What standard are they using to determine that they look “good”? Because for me, if I’m not exceptional, I don’t see the point in celebrating small improvements. I struggle to relate to how people find satisfaction in looking just “nice” when they still don’t look objectively stunning.
Disclaimer: This isn’t meant to insult anyone or imply that only extreme beauty matters. I genuinely want to understand how people find joy and motivation in softmaxxing when they know they won’t reach a supermodel-tier look. It’s just a perspective I struggle to relate to, and I’d love to hear different viewpoints.